Do you remember the last time you were on a holiday and met another compatriot? Ten to one you discovered you had a mutual contact and that one of you made the remark: It is a small world, isnt it?. This happens a lot on holidays. It even seems that this happens more abroad than in our daily lives. Is this a coincidence? Or is there more?

It is not that odd. We indeed live in a small world. The first person who started doing research in this area was Stanley Milgram. In his 1967 small world experiment the theory of the 6 degrees of separation was born. This theory states that everybody in the world is connected via 6 steps (read: people). Several other studies between 1967 and today have proven that this is indeed the case.

Lets also look at this theory from another angle, from a more mathematical one. Lets assume that everybody has on average 250 contacts (professional and private ones). Each of these 250 contacts also has 250 contacts. If we conservatively assume that you know half of those people yourself then every contact of yours knows 125 people you dont know yourself. This means that in the second degree you have access to 31.250 people. And that is were the real power of networking is: in the second degree. You dont only have many more opportunities, you also have a bond of trust via your mutual contact.

This principle of the 6 degrees that I call the 6 degrees of proximity (if you can contact anyone in the world via only 6 people you are rather connected than separated, arent you?) can also be found on the online networking websites LinkedIn (http://www.linkedin.com) and Xing (http://www.xing.com). You dont only see how many people you can reach in second degree, but also who these people are.

What is the value of this insight for me? That we can deal with each other in a different way on events, cocktail drinks, online networks and other networking functions. Too often participants of events dont feel comfortable because they feel like having to sell themselves or their organisations (see the article in the previous issue about the difference between selling and networking). And because they dont like someone else approaching them with this attitude they dont want to radiate this themselves to others as well.

But if you know that the greatest value of the network is in the second degree, you can deal with people in a different way than selling. In your next conversation on a networking event, look and listen for what the other person can do for your network and your network for him. And the other way around: what the network of this person can do for you and you for his network. You wont only discover more opportunities, but also have another kind of conversation and more enjoyable one !

PS: if you discover that you and the person you are talking to can help each other or can do business with each other, dont miss this opportunity! You dont have to exclude yourself and only think about the needs of your network instead of your own. However, by starting your conversation with this networking attitude, you can get another kind of conversation with surprising results!

This is an excerpt from the book Lets Connect! that will be launched on October 9, 2007. Buy the book on that date on Amazon and you will bonuses from 31 organisations! If you want to be notified for this launch, you can leave your name on http://www.letsconnectbook.com

Jan Vermeiren is the Networking Coach and author of the network book Lets Connect!. Via presentations, workshops and coaching Jan makes sure that people get more out of their network. Companies get advice how to integrate networking in a sales/recruitment strategy. Jan and his team are hired by large companies like EDS, Ernst & Young, IBM, Delta Lloyd Bank and SAP as well as by small companies. Get your free e-course, light CD and book at http://www.networking-coach.com and http://www.letsconnectbook.com

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Building and growing relationships is a main facet of what networking is all about. Whether its a personal or business relationship, you need to view them as equally important.

Quality relationships are more important than having a quantity of people in your network. Spend the appropriate time nurturing your existing relationships (especially the ones you consider of high quality).

Keep Your Friends in the Loop

People can sometimes take their friendships for granted and they may not keep in touch with friends on a regular basis. As you get older and take on more responsibilities in life, it can be a challenge to get together with friends as much as you did in the past.

At a minimum, you should keep your friends in the loop with any major milestones in your life (such as a new job, an engagement or a new baby). If you dont have the time to call each person, then send out an e-mail.

Your communication to your friends will show them that you were thinking about them and still consider them to be an important part of your life. Because of your actions, your friends will hopefully reciprocate the communication (unless they have already been doing so).

Holiday times are a great way to keep in touch because you can send a holiday card and personalize it by including some information about your life. At the same time, make sure to acknowledge birthdays by sending a card, e-mail or making a phone call.

Finally, make plans to see your friends periodically (whether it is for dinner, to celebrate a birthday or to catch up). Getting together is an important part of any friendship. Make sure not to neglect this part of the relationship.

By keeping your friends in the loop, it may lead to new opportunities. Your friends may be connected to people who could benefit your experience or people who could help your career.

Keep Your Business Network in the Loop

People can sometimes take their business relationships for granted as well. It is important that you remain in touch with your business network so the relationships you do develop will last.

Make sure to keep in touch with your network by letting them know about major changes in your career (such as a new job, a promotion or new contact information). People will appreciate receiving this information so they can update their Rolodex with your new information.

With some of the information you want to share, a group e-mail to your network is appropriate.

For other information or certain people, it is more appropriate for a personalized e-mail or a phone call. Depending on how strong your relationships are with certain people, you need to decide the best way to contact these people.

Another effective way to keep in touch with your network is to create an e-mail distribution list in which you share relevant information to an entire group.

Whatever you want to share, make sure it provides value.

It may be helpful to sort your network into different e-mail groups (such as industry contacts, business partners, service providers, media and entrepreneurs). By doing this, you will then be able to send targeted messages to certain groups. This will show that you have carefully thought about what you are sharing.

Just like your friends, its important to keep your business network in the loop because it could also lead to your new opportunities. People in your network are connected just like you. Take these relationships very seriously.

Be Proactive, Offer to Help, Provide Resources

With any relationship, its important that you provide value. Be proactive and offer to help others. Your existing relationships will be enhanced with your generous efforts.

Make sure you have an understanding of the needs and interests of people in your network so you can provide them with referrals, important information, job and business leads or resources. When you meet people and build relationships, take good notes of your conversations so you have some information to reference.

Whatever information you decide to share, make sure you send it to the appropriate people. By targeting certain messages or resources, your network will appreciate your thoughtfulness and remembrance of their needs.

By helping others this way, they should return the favor in your times of need or if they come across any resources that could benefit you. By being proactive, you are showing your network that you value the relationships.

Final Thought

Its important to always meet new people and incorporate them into your network. Spend time building and growing your existing relationships.

You want to have some quality personal and business relationships in your life and you should make the effort to maintain these relationships. Always make sure to find ways to keep them in the loop of your life and career.

Jason Jacobsohn is a seasoned networker who believes in relationship building as a key component to business success. He enjoys helping others succeed by making introductions, planning events, and sharing resources. In addition, Jacobsohn enthusiastically shares resources with his network through his e-mail newsletter, Network Your Way to Success, and http://www.jacobsohn.com, a comprehensive business and networking resources Web site. Further, he shares an additional perspective through his blog at http://www.networkinginsight.com

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What would you do if you went to a networking function and you were the only person of your race or nationality in the room? What if no one was speaking English? Would you be uncomfortable? Would you network like you always do? What would you do?

In “Fresh Blood in the Gene Pool” I talked of reaching beyond our comfort zones, going places where we have never been and meeting new people to expand our opportunities. Here is an example of how you can do this.

I was invited by a new networking friend to attend a meeting of the Chinese Business Association of Atlanta. As I was driving downtown to the location, I was excited about the opportunity to meet new people and make new friends and business acquaintances, I was thinking about what this meeting might be like.

I arrived, parked my car and took the elevator to the 26th floor. At the door I signed in noticing the packed room of people in attendence. Ahead of me a chair was added to an already full table and I was welcomed to sit down. I had arrived a bit late so the program had already begun, and as I sat there listening with the others, I had no idea what the speaker was talking about. He was speaking in Chinese.

About 10 minutes after I arrived, the speaker deferred to the first table of attendees who began to rise one at a time and talk about their business. Across the room, I saw my friend sitting near the window so I went and sat next to her. I asked her if they were doing introductions and she said, “Yes, they have one minute to give their elevator speech.”

As they went around the room, occasionally I would catch a few words of English as things were referred to that have no word to describe them in Chinese. Often the room would erupt in laughter as someone would say something humorous. I was in a normal networking environment. The only difference was that I did not speak the language.

When it was my turn to speak I rose and gave my one minute about AtlantaEvent.com. I said the same thing that I say everywhere I go. Then I sat back down and the few remaining people finished up and after a few words, the meeting was adjourned to open networking.

It was great. It was just like any other networking meeting that I have gone to. Most of the people in the room spoke English when I approached them. There were many unique businesses that were represented. I found myself paying closer attention as people spoke, because the English was a bit rough for a couple of people, but everyone was very nice and I felt like a part of the group.

So why am I telling you this in such boring detail? Because in that room was a new world of opportunity for me and for you. There were a few of the regular mix of accountants and realtors, but there was tremendous opportunity for someone selling a product or service to find a lot of potential clients.

You see I have spoken before about people and what we all share. We all have needs, dreams, wishes and desires. We all want to be treated with respect and importance for what it is that we may believe or feel. We all want to and usually do stay in our own comfort zones.

It makes no difference if we are black, white, or any race or color, we are all human beings. In my city and in every city in this country there are business groups that represent every nationality that exists. There are people who need what we sell or do, even if they do not look like us or speak our language.

Our country was based on the proposition that all men are created equal. It grew from the children of every country in the world. Our ancestors at some time in history came from other lands and they mixed themselves into the culture of this country to become Americans. Over time, we have all been accepted.

It is a very small world that we live in and getting smaller. At the same time if we look at the opportunity for business, it keeps getting bigger with the development of global markets. Do not let fear keep you from receiving the benefit of this growth. Reach beyond your comfort zone, find the international business community and give them your one minute presentation. You may find your business growing at speeds far beyond what you ever though possible.

You may also find a lot of new interesting friends in the process.

Jeff Glaze is the Editor of http://www.AtlantaEvent.com, founder of http://www.privacy-first.com e-mail certification program and the author of several e-books. His company, Mostcool Media Inc.( Mostcoolmedia.com ), specializes in marketing planning, coaching, business networking training, web and media development. His e-book “The Six Xtremes Of Power Business Networking” is available here: http://www.atlantaevent.com/ebook.htm Jeff Glaze is available to speak to your group and can be contacted at 678.508.5975

Copyright 2006 by MostCool Media Inc.

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What has networking got to do with joint ventures? “PLENTY” is the short answer to this question.

Networking is a very important element of joint venture marketing because the more you network, the more you meet potential partners and build relationships that lead to profitable joint ventures.

Your network of business associates, vendors, family and friends, plays a big part when it comes to implementing your joint venture marketing strategy. This is because the most successful partnerships are with people you know, like and trust, and vice versa.

Of course, many profitable joint ventures have taken place between partners that have not known each other for long, but any “cold” contact you meet would need time to evaluate your character and your business, before committing to a partnership with you. Sometimes this could take a few weeks, and other times it may take up to a year.

Before joining organizations or associations in your markets, do your homework to identify which ones are most likely to produce results aligned with your business goals.
Make sure you keep in close contact with those in your network. Send thank you cards, meet for lunch, make brief phone calls, remember birthdays, and ask them to subscribe to your newsletter.

Here are ten places to start with, on your networking journey to lucrative joint venture partnerships:

1. Live Seminars and Conferences

2. Breakfast Meeting Groups

3. Trade Shows and Exhibitions

4. Membership Associations

5. Introductions made through your business associates and vendors

6. Online discussion groups and forums within your industry

7. Live Training Courses

8. On Your Travels e.g. on the airplane or train

9. Interactive TeleSeminars and TeleBootcamps

10. Other Networking Events e.g. at business parties

The size and quality of your network determines your income. The more valuable contacts you have in your network, the more lucrative your joint venture projects would be. Build a profitable network, and increasing your net worth would be easier than you think.

Copyright 2005 by Habiba Abubakar and Emprez. All rights reserved.

Note: You are welcome to republish this article as long as the resource box at the end is included unaltered.

Habiba Abubakar, a.k.a. The Profit Diva, specializes in helping small business owners who are struggling to increase their client base and are tired of earning mediocre profits. The tips in this article have been excerpted from her home-study program, “Joint Venture Profits For Small Business Owners.”

To learn more about this step-by-step program, and to sign up for your FREE copy of her revealing Mini eCourse, “The Easiest Way To Skyrocket Your Profits In 90 Days Or Less,” visit http://www.profitdiva.com

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No matter what sphere of business you are in, there will always be opportunities to learn from the experts the people who are leaders in their respective fields, who not only are at the cutting edge and are doing it every day but are prepared to take time from their busy schedules to share their knowledge with others.

Conferences and Seminars abound throughout the business world in every conceivable niche and I suppose when you are starting off or perhaps experiencing difficulties in your Business then attending a seminar can lift the spirits and give you further encouragement to press on.

Taking time out from your own busy routine is sometimes a gut wrenching decision and can create more than a little stress but I have found that invariably it is often just the right thing to do no matter how busy you are! Heres a little true story of my own rude awakening and introduction into the heady world of Sales and Marketing and the importance of taking time out to investigate what is happening on your patch!

Twenty Seven years ago, just after getting married and buying And selling my first house in a matter of months, the company that I worked for sent my new wife and me on a journey that continues to this day. Half way across the country to a strange City with no family nearby or friends for that matterdefinitely a journey into the unknown, where very few motorists drove on the left hand side and everyone that you passed gave you a wave! (Not conducive to road safety I might add which, as most of you know, who are reading this, is a subject close to my heart!)

After several months of backbreaking work (wife-less during the week!) and a daily routine that was reminiscent of a chain gang on steroids, our Sales Director (and my first real Mentor) announced he was coming down the next day and I was to take him on a tour of the New Branchs Territory. Imagine the Boss coming all that way to see how we were getting onwhat a thrill and of course the prospect of a good lunch didnt escape me! How wrong I was and the next day taught me a valuable lesson which everyone in Business needs to take on board.

Naturally, I was chauffeur and we toured the City and Industrial Estates all morning. Every few seconds, or so it seemed, a voice bellowed who have we there? which roughly translates to how many customers in that stretch of street to which the reply, from an increasingly despondent Driver was well none yet but we plan to visit next week and two presentations have been scheduled!) It seemed that the Inquisitor had an uncanny knack of selecting areas and parts of the City that well were totally devoid of our attention and more importantly our presence!

At that stage I wished the road would have swallowed us up but the grand tour was not an attempt to trip me up or find an excuse to fire me but a practical exercise in teaching a new Manager that no matter how much work there is to do at your desk or elsewhere it is vital to set aside some time on a regular basis to check out your market place.

You need to see what your competitors are up to; to see just who is setting up in business that could provide a useful opportunity for your services and to give yourself a break from the heavy routine which will then start the creative juices flowing.

A regular tour of your territory (whether on line or off-line) will give you some surprising results that you would never have thought of and quite probably a jump on your competitors.

Back at base an animated Sales Director said sternly you must take time away from the Branch to see what is happening out there other wise we are going nowhere. I had fallen into the trap of being brilliant (almost) at Administration and convincing myself that this was much more important in the short term than sales.

This was a valuable lesson and before long we were showing up as the fastest growing branch in an organisation of 71 branches. Lesson learnt! Life is peppered with potentially quantum leaps up the success ladder if we only seize the moment and then put the idea into practise in all future activities.

Seminars present an absolutely incredible opportunity to learn from the experts and get out of the office at the same time. Invariably you will make some really excellent contacts for the future for two way business opportunities and if you can speed write or develop your own shorthand technique then you will be able to take notes and take it all in at the same time!( I warn you this isnt easy)

I nearly forgota professionally organised full day seminar will always give you a free lunch (now where did we hear about the free lunch before?) which keeps you ticking over for the afternoon session and also provides the opportunity to network. Its a good idea not to make a bee line for the people you talked with over morning coffee give yourself the chance to meet as many delegates as possible and naturally you want to be carrying as many Business cards as your wallet will hold without destroying the look of your suit!

What was the inspiration for this article you might wonder? Was it on my hard drive in essence for months or years? No Sireee We just attended an Irish Internet Association Seminar yesterday and Guess what? All the above mentioned benefits came true including the Free Lunch! There will be a follow up article of the Seminar with a look at the benefits obtained from all the key speakers; ideas that you yourself can easily put in motion with a little effort. How about writing an article on the absolutely guaranteed benefits of attending a seminaryou get the picture!

The next Seminar that comes to your Townmake sure you are there no matter what the cost and no matter how busy you are!

Robin Piggott is moving from the oh so frequent status of being a “Pretty Web Site” Owner with no traffic to a whole new world of opportunities and success. First the mindset basics need to be addressed.We share our expertise and experiences through the Web Site and Blogs.

http://www.astralmotoring.iehttp://astraldrivingschool.blogs.ie

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At networking, business and social events, professionals are constantly introducing themselves and making connections. There are several important aspects of networking to consider such as professional image and the way that you introduce yourself to others. Your introduction should be clear, concise, credible and creative. People should be able to know you, what you do and how they can connect you to their network of friends, family and colleagues. Listed below are five tips, techniques and tactics for creating a great pitch for networking success!

#1 Opening Pitch

First state your full name, profession/position and company. Let your business counterpart know how many years you have been working with the company or working within your present position. You can mention one or two points of your job description.

#2 Brief Case

Instead of being a service/product or brand “pusher”, explain to your business counterpart a problem that you were able to solve for a client/customer. Describe to them how the customer/client benefited from your expertise, knowledge or work. Take this time to show that you are compassionate about your work or enjoy helping people or like making a difference within your organization.

#3 Picture Perfect

Describe your ideal client/customer/business partner to your business counterpart. Paint a picture, with words, of who you work with specifically or the industries that you collaborate with on projects/programs/ventures. This will give the other person a clear idea of who can use your services or types of people that you want to include in your network.

#4 Delivery Service

When you are giving your 30-second speech there are a few aspects that you should consider. Make sure that you are making eye contact with your business counterpart. Stand up with straight posture and keep your hand at waist side, do not cross your arms or put your hands in your pockets. Adjust the tone of your voice and speak slightly slower. And do not chew gum or speak with food in your mouth.

#5 Remember the Time

As stated earlier in the article, make sure that your speech is clear, concise, credible and creative. Before attending another networking event, you should practice writing your speech and memorizing it. It is very possible to include all the elements above in 30 seconds or less.

Chi Chi Okezie is owner/producer of SIMPLEnetworking, LLC in Metro-Atlanta, GA. SN specializes in helping university students, young professionals and business women develop and enhance their professional, cultural and social skills. For more info, please visit: http://www.snseminars.com

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JV Mailings For certain product or service offerings, direct mail can be prohibitively expensive. Thats why card decks and Value-Paks are so popular. But aside from those types of mailings, you can always partner with a non-competitor (or two or three) that offer a complementary or similar product/service with the same target market as yours. By splitting the cost of the mailing, you still get your message out, but at a much-reduced cost.

JV Inserts/Flyers/Circulars Similar to JV mailings, you could arrange to have your flyer, insert, or circular inserted into another publication already being mailed. This hitching a ride approach works best when your audience is targeted, although newspaper inserts are popular with local bricks and mortar businesses. The JV part comes into play when you pay so much per lead or a percentage of all sales resulting from the arrangement. Depending on your price structure, you can pay a percentage of the first sale only, or a tiered approach where a smaller percentage is paid for all first year purchases, a percentage of the back-end purchase, etc. You need to determine what types of deals bring in the biggest profits for you, while still providing a valuable incentive for your JV partners. And that really goes for any type of deal.

JV a Mini-Seminar or Teleseminar Using the lawyer/accountant example again, the two could get together and hold a seminar for new business owners, offering a package deal for both of their services.

Sell Your JV When you have an income stream from a JV deal you have worked out, you can always sell the rights to that deal to someone else. Just like a money-making website that you can sell, JVs that have a positive cash flow are assets in their own right.

JV Deals to Observe and Learn From a Guru Basically, you can act as a broker or middle agent between a person with a certain expertise and others who want to learn from the expert.

to be continued….

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Theres a group in every office. They hit the nearby watering hole for happy hour once or twice a week after work to vent shared frustrations, talk about the boss behind his back, maybe even plot future career moves. Thumbing your nose at this carousing crew? Think twice, turning down an invite to grab a post-shift drink might be hazardous to your financial future.

A recent study published by The Journal of Labor Research shows that drinkers earn 10 to 14 percent more than those who avoid the bottle altogether. The reason? The study contends its something called social capital. That is, the more youre out enjoying a drink, the more people you meet. The more people you meet, the more doors that are opened for you professionally. And as is the general rule in the business worldits not what you know, its who you know.

The study contends that specifically, its drinkers who hit the bar that see the most benefits financially, as opposed to those who tip the glass at home. Its all about social capital, which the study defines as a persons social characteristics, including social skills, charisma, and the size of his Rolodex, which enable him to reap market and nonmarket returns from interactions with others. Drinkers who hit the bars have a lot of it, drinkers who sip alone have a little less, nondrinkers have less yet.

The study argues that its possible that abstainers may steer clear of social occasions involving drinking, and if not, they will socialize with other nondrinkers or less social people. Its also possible that abstainers might be considered boring by drinkers, and not be invited to a gathering at all. Those who drink socially may have an easier time attaining a higher paying job or reinforce bonds with coworkers or associates who could have a direct impact on salary. Though the reasons behind nondrinkers lack of social capital werent specifically tackled in the study, one thing is cleardrinkers earn significantly more than those who abstain.

For example, female drinkers pull in 14 percent more than their nondrinking counterparts. Men who hit the bottle regularly earn 10 percent more than guys who stick with soft drinks.

The pot gets even sweeter for males who hit their favorite watering hole on a regular basis. Men who visited a bar at least once a month earned an additional 7 percent over the 10 percent advantage. That isnt the case for women barflies, however. No marked advantage was shown for ladies who visited pubs regularly over those who did not.

Though not sponsored by any interests in the alcohol industry, the study was conducted as a response to recent anti-alcohol campaigns on college campuses, limits on alcohol advertising, and tax increases on liquor. Authors of the study contend that since their research shows that drinkers earn significantly more than nondrinkers, perhaps attempting to discourage drinking in society might have a negative impact on our ability to earn.

So next time your cubicle partner asks you to join the crew for a drink after work, think twice before you pass. According to the stats, it might be to your benefit to say First rounds on me.

Joe Kenny writes for the Personal Loans Store, allowing visitors to compare UK loans and also information on business loans in the UK.

Visit Today: http://www.ukpersonalloanstore.co.uk

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Networking for yourself is important for building relationships that will carry into your personal and professional life. At the same time, its also important to focus on networking just for your employer.

The relationships you build for your company will be ones you can carry with you from job to job. Treat every relationship you build carefully. No matter what company you work for, you will find it valuable to have some of these people in your network.

Attend Industry Events

Depending on your role within your organization, you may have to attend trade shows or other industry events to either generate leads or build awareness for your company. Even if you dont have a sales or marketing role, its still good to attend these events to represent your company.

Some people may have to represent their company at a booth while others may just need to walk around the event and talk to people. Treat these events like any other networking event. Instead of focusing specifically on your personal elevator pitch, focus more on your pitch for your employer.

When you meet people, mention what you do for your company, explain what your company does, let people know what you need for your company (i.e. new customers, partners, etc.) and ask people how you or your company can help them.

Your company elevator pitch will give you good practice for when you need to use your personal pitch. Either way, its good to have more than one elevator pitch ready because you never know who youll be talking to at an event and whether youll want to talk about your company or yourself.

The people who you build relationships with for your company will be important people to have in your Rolodex. If you maintain a good relationship with these people, you should be able to keep them in your network no matter who your employer may be at the time.

If you have a sales role and you move over to a competitor or a company within the same industry, your contacts may be very valuable to your new employer. If these relationships dont carry over as clients, its still important for you to try to nurture some of these relationships so they can remain in your network.

Generate Leads, Sales, Awareness

If you have a sales role within your organization, most of your networking will be focused on generating leads or sales for your company. If this is the case, networking will be a very important part of your job.

You will need to be an effective networker to generate leads or sales for your company. Spend time understanding your target market and do your research on where to find these potential customers.

By having a good understanding of the networking organizations and events locally, regionally and nationally, you will have a starting point of where you can go to meet the right people. Not only will you meet potential customers but you will also meet potential partners and good contacts.

Some of the people who you will meet will be able to introduce you to potential customers. You will also have to use your own network to get referrals or introductions to prospects. Whatever method you use to target your prospects, networking is a great strategy that can help you generate leads or sales.

If you dont have a sales role within your organization, its still important to represent your company when attending events or talking with others. You are merely generating awareness about your firm when you mention it in conversation.

You are indirectly selling your employer to others just by talking about it with others. At the same time, the people who you meet will have a better understanding of your current role and how it fits in with your set of skills.

When talking with others, you may offer to connect these people with others within your organization. You may end up generating a lead for a salesperson within your company, which will make you look favorable to your employer.

Final Thought

When you network, you need to focus on your goals and put your time and energy toward reaching those goals. Whether youre networking for yourself or your employer, you need to make sure youre focused when you meet others.

Jason Jacobsohn is a seasoned networker who believes in relationship building as a key component to business success. He enjoys helping others succeed by making introductions, planning events, and sharing resources. In addition, Jacobsohn enthusiastically shares resources with his network through his e-mail newsletter, Network Your Way to Success, and http://www.jacobsohn.com, a comprehensive business and networking resources Web site. Further, he shares an additional perspective through his blog at http://www.networkinginsight.com

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In life, you have to successfully work with people to get anywhere. You cant avoid it.

Some people are fun, good, and wholesome, and others can feel like a thorn in your shoe. Some will be there to boost you up and be a savior, and others will be there to take advantage of you, sometimes without the slightest care.

There is absolutely no way to lead a successful life without effective communication with those who can help you reach your goals. And the secret to effective communication is to fully understandor at least try to understandthe other persons perspective. Understanding the other persons perspective helps you build camaraderie, negotiate faster and more effectively, add value to a partnership, and build respect for each other.
To communicate effectively, youve got to be on the same page as the other person.

I came home to my apartment one day after class. As usual, I changed into a T-shirt and slipped out of my pants, tying a lavalava around my waist. A lavalava is a brightly colored, flowery cloth wrap or skirt that Polynesian men and women wear, usually with nothing on underneath but underwear. I previously lived in the Samoan islands for two years and grew accustomed to wearing a lavalava to beat the humid, tropical heat. During any scorching summer, a lavalava is one of the best types of personal air conditioning systems available, despite the fact that it is rarely found fashionable on a white American male like me.

Relaxing in the coolness of my apartment and having finished dinner and a night snack, I began to prepare to go to bed just as my roommate Don came home. Don was a long-time friend, but had recently moved in with me and another good friend.

Hey Donaldo! I chirped my nickname for Don as I slipped my ultra-thick retainer in my mouth.

Hey Pablo! Donaldo responded, likewise referring to his nickname for me. I saw him glance at the colorful flash of cloth around my waist. Donaldo was somewhat new to the concept of a lavalava.

But what was stranger to Donaldo was my thick plastic retainer that I usually wore only while sleeping. And with it in my mouth acting like a loose plug, it was extremely difficult to talk coherently. It piqued Donaldos interest as we exchanged a bit of small talk. Small talk was challenging for me as I sought to find different ways to place my tongue while forming words.

So do you like wearing that?

Sure I do! I enthusiastically garbled, thinking he was
referring to my lavalava he noticed earlier.

Donaldo walked to the kitchen to grab a bite to eat while I settled down on the couch for a little reading. Don popped his head around the corner.

Is it comfortable? Don suspiciously asked, clearly confused at my apparent excitement to wear a cumbersome retainer.

Of course its comfortable! I mangled a response, not sure how Donaldo could mistake the advantages of a free-blowing, ventilated lavalava in the privacy of ones home.

And you wear it at night?

Yes, but sometimes it falls off in bed.

That sounded a little odd to Donaldo. Does Paul sometimes wake up with the retainer patiently waiting on the pillow, to be plopped back in his mouth? Don waited for his burrito to finish cooking in the microwave. Then he probed further.

Do you have to clean it much?

Yeah, it gets dirty every now and then.

Dirty every now and then? Uck! If Donaldo had to wear a retainer every night, he would have been sure to religiously and thoroughly clean it on a regular basis.

How long have you had it?

Oh, about five years. Do you like it? I asked, starting to feel a little flattered. I cant say that a lot of people found a lavalava to be the most chic apparel for a straight guy, although I did know some people from my past who wanted to wear one anyway. I often gave away extra lavalavas as gifts.

I stood up and walked into the kitchen to sense if he was willing to be converted to wearing a lavalava. I sat down across Don at the dinner table. Maybe I have a spare one you can have if youd like, I volunteered, hoping to further the cause of Americans wearing lavalavas in my corner of the world.

Oh, no, Donaldo quickly replied, I mean, thanks, but thats okay, I dont need one. With his dinner in front of him, Don was beginning to lose his appetite at the thought of putting someone elses spare, rarely cleaned retainer in his mouth.

So why do you like wearing it? Don asked, reluctantly taking a bite of his burrito.

Oh, it feels really comfortable, especially when the wind blows. I responded frankly.

So you open your mouth when the wind blows? Donaldo asked starting to feel genuinely confused.

I chuckled at the ridiculousness of his question. I mean, why would you open your mouth when the wind blows through your lavalava?

Well I suppose I might want to open my mouth to laugh if it were ticklish, I joked.

Ticklish? Don started to feel like maybe he had underestimated the uplifting experience of wearing a retainer.

But then I began to wonder if he was trying to offend me, like asking if I was full of hot air that blew out whenever I spoke. Rather than let Donaldo see that I was bristled by his insulting comment, I brushed it off and changed the subject.

How is it going with your new girlfriend? I asked.

Good. Fine, Don chewed his food pensively, still trying to piece things together. He still could not see how cold air blowing on a retainer might cause someone to feel so pleasantly comfortable. Several moments passed.

Back to what we were talking about, Don continued, Are there other ways to feel good while wearing that thing?

I began to feel uneasy at the increasingly private questions. I tried even harder to change the subject back to Dons girlfriend, Hey, Ill tell you what, I will give one of these to your girlfriend. It should look pretty on her. Shell love itmost women do.

This floored Donaldo. He spit out his last burrito bite, thoroughly disgusted and offended at my proposition that a thick retainer would make his sweetheart look more attractive. He also wondered if I was threatening to embarrass him and scare off his new love interest with whatever level of gruesome detail I could throw Donaldos way, me being the weird and gross roommate that people would do best to avoid.

As his eyes narrowed in anger against me, a startling thought hit Donaldo, causing him to pause for a moment as he contemplated our dialogue. We stared at each other in deafening silence.

What are you talking about? he asked.

Well, my lavalava of course! I exclaimed, beginning to sense a brain cramp that had been active for the past 15 minutes.

I was talking about your retainer! Donaldo cried, feeling sudden relief sweep over him as our entire conversation finally began to make sense.

We burst out a hearty laugh at our miscommunication as Donaldo finally agreed to accept a lavalava of his own, as a gift from me.

To this day, we still enjoy recounting how confused we were with each other that evening. Just in those 15 minutes, we learned so much about how listening can affect a friendship, either for good or ill, and can clear up or exaggerate misunderstandings.

Different cultures and backgrounds always seem funny or odd to those who did not grow up in them. Effective listening pulls down those barriers to understanding. Listening is an art you can master, and once you do, the rewards are ten-fold.

And you get a better friend in the process.

Paul Pulley is the author of The Anatomy of a Brain Cramp. His other short stories that humorously teach about the laws of success in life can be found at his website http://www.thebraincramp.com

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